The Feminists: How Mean Is A Junkyard Dog?

The Feminists are in Cranbrook, our last BC show before bravely heading westward to Calgary. We have had an eventful week so far. On day 1, three hours out of Vancouver, our van broke down in Merritt and a one hour job turned into 3 hours of baking in the desert sun in the picturesque surroundings of a junk yard complete with 2 junkyard dogs. Ferdy got yelled at for wanting to pet them – the shop owner didn’t want them to become friendly. Keith started smoking , even though he had just started on the patch. Nicotine overdoses make people really, really moody you know. Did you know that? Well, they do. So just shut up and deal with it.
Of course, I’m forgetting about out very first stop which was a show at Pat’s Pub in Vancouver the night before. Mike had a cymbal and cymbal stand stolen (his big, beautiful crash cymbal that provided us with a wash of white noise at pivotal moments in our rock and roll experience), and Keith’s amp got wrecked (sabatoged?) and was unusable. Also the show was running late, so we got to play for about 30 minutes, much to the disgust of our road manager Ferdy. Ferdy likes a tight ship, so this was completely unacceptable…
From our collective band journal:

Fri July 2 Pat’s Pub:
…” Evil is abound. Malignant forces working against me. Amp cable torn in half, missing patch cords…it shouldn’t be illegal to stab people.” (Keith)
Sun Jul 4 en route:
Mike: “Nice socks, Keith. Very loose. Reminds me of Pied Piper booties”
…” Merritt, 1pm. Logging town. Backbone of BC. Needs spinal realignment.” (K.)
…”How mean is a junkyard dog? This junkyard has 2 of them, and they both look pretty complacent” (Mike)

Ferdy: “You know what never goes out of style?”
Mike: “What’s that?”
Ferdy: “Motorhead”.

Mike: “I’ll be chipper if I want, and fuck you guys”

So, we played in Golden, and were a little late due to the van mishap, but it didn’t really matter because there was literally no one there – except the bar staff, we do play for a lot of bar staffs, and they generally really like us, but we did impress the Australian DJ who was working there, but then again usually people who aren’t from North America really like us as well. I wonder what Packer’s looks like with people in it. We’ve played there at least twice to an empty room – and lest you think I’m complaining and bitter, I am certainly not. We played great, and it was nice to have a chance to get more comfortable with all our songs. Plus they gave us a free room.
Sirdar was next, a very funky place (pop. 8. Really.) Then Nelson, last night. Must cut this short, poor Mike is sitting next to me with a glazed look in his eye probably wondering if he’s ever going to get a chance to eat today. And it’s our first day off and we’re going to see Spiderman 2, so we must stick to our itinerary. Everywhere we go, Spiderman 2 is playing. Hmmmm. Coincidence? I think not.
So far –
vehicular malfuctions: 1
cd’s sold – 6
times told to “turn it down” by bar staff: 3
bowls smoked: 6 (M. says more like 10, but he’s baked most of the time…)
shows played: 4
times the words “well, fuck you guys” have been uttered: 77
Hurtling across this great country at alarming rates of speed lurching from one rock and roll extravaganza to the next with 3 adorable, stinky, foul-mouthed, talented, hunks of raw testosterone: Priceless.