The Feminists: Wood Shrapnel Flying Everywhere

I am lounging in a hard-backed chair with my feet propped up on a dirty windowsill facing the late afternoon sun. A cool breeze drifts across my neck, and sleeping Mike Zobac sighs and turns over on his hostel bunk. Almost nothing brings that boy more pleasure than a solid afternoon nap. I am reading Ferdy’s newly purchased Time magazine and soaking in the peace and quiet before it’s time to go get rowdy for the people. Grief has disappeared into the washroom. He takes an awful long time to lock the door, endlessly jiggling the knob around to the point where my reading is interrupted and I glance up in irritation.
“Huh,” I think to myself. “There’s no knob on this side of the bathroom door”. I slide back into the absorbing world of literary delights. I am almost focused once more on the page at hand when I hear “oh, that’s funny”. Not really clear, mind. It was a little muffled from behind the bathroom door.
Click, rattle, shake shake went the doorknob.
“Oh, that’s funny”, I heard, a little louder. I got up and approached cautiously. “Are you stuck?”, I asked. “Oh, that’s funny”, Grief said again, even louder, with increased activity at the doorknob. Shake-shake-shake, rattle rattle. ” I’ll go downstairs and get the the key from the bar”, I said.
“Stand back!”
“What? Are you going to break down the door?” I asked, impressed with his estimation of his own strength and wishing there were more people in the room to be entertained like this.
“Stand back!”, more urgently. As in, ‘stand back, little lady’, I thought with amusement as I took a couple of steps backwards.
“CRASH!” there was a huge sound and splintering of wood. Mikes eyes flew wide open. He groped for his glasses.
“CRACK!” an even louder sound, wood shrapnel flying everywhere, and Grief traveling with great momentum towards me.
I stepped neatly out of the way and he staggered around a little and slid to a stop. “Wow”, I said. “That was an action movie moment for me”.
He nodded modestly and rubbed his shoulder.
Boys are very strange sometimes, I think. I would have just waited the extra five minutes for someone to come and take apart the door so I could stroll out casually and make some wisecrack and we would all calmly go on with our lives. But perhaps your average male is more likely to think he should just bust through the door like Rambo. It’s funny to me.
Mike sat up on his bunk. “Game ‘o’ cards, Grief?” he asked sleepily. “Sure” said Grief as he picked his way through the wood splinters on the floor to get his cards and set them up.
Thus time passes in the glamorous life of rock and roll. This is what it’s like to spend a lot of time in small spaces with the same people. Moments of complete absurdity that cannot be experienced if one has the same unvarying routine every day. When there is no daily pattern and every moment is freshly unfamiliar…that’s when the conditions are right for absurdly surreal moments that make everyday life a lot more fun.
This is what I say at my better moments, when I’m not sitting in the van and quietly seething as I contemplate how very much I hate them all. One of my favorite episodes of South Park is the civil war one where Cartman’s always saying “I hate you guys…so very very much” and it’s my favorite line in that episode, I love hearing the poisonous, maniacal way Cartman says it because it strikes a chord of deep recognition in me.
“That’s exactly how I feel when we’re on tour” I always think, on matter how many times I’ve seen it. So, there are good days and bad days I guess is the point of that whole meandering ramble.
What I do like about the short weekend rock missions is that there’s enough time to have a lot of fun and not quite enough time to get outraged. It was okay to go back to work the next day, and nice to know we have a few of these weekend side trips coming up.